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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Sitting
Colony
Watches
Slides
Watch
Vacation
Week
Weeks
Happiness
Neighbor
Funny
Findings
Two
Finding
Nudist
Spent
Nudists

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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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Only lie about the future.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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