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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Happiness
Neighbor
Funny
Findings
Two
Finding
Nudist
Spent
Nudists
Sitting
Colony
Watches
Slides
Watch
Vacation
Week
Weeks

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Only lie about the future.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
Johnny Carson