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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Tiger
Tanks
Tigers
Seat
Seats
Happiness
Back
Pussycat
Tank

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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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