Quote

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Marie
Named
Marry
Marriage
Known
Girl
Used
Never
Murray

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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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