Quote

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.

Johnny Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Marriage
Known
Girl
Used
Never
Murray
Marie
Named
Marry

More quotes by Johnny Carson

Image
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
Image
Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
Image
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
Johnny Carson
Image
Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
Image
As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
Johnny Carson
Image
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson
Image
Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
Johnny Carson
Image
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
Image
People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
Image
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
Image
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
Image
I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
Image
I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson
Image
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
Image
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
Image
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson