Quote

Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Known
Girl
Used
Never
Murray
Marie
Named
Marry
Marriage

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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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