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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Girl
Used
Never
Murray
Marie
Named
Marry
Marriage
Known
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
