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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Girls
Leave
Hand
Seeing
Happiness
Lifeguard
Girl
Muscular
Another
Admiring
Hands
Beach

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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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