Quote

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Leave
Hand
Seeing
Happiness
Lifeguard
Girl
Muscular
Another
Admiring
Hands
Beach
Girls

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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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