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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Another
Admiring
Hands
Beach
Girls
Leave
Hand
Seeing
Happiness
Lifeguard
Girl
Muscular
More quotes by Johnny Carson
When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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