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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Like
Sucking
Tradition
Hollywood
Called
Stars
Best

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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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