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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Hollywood
Called
Stars
Best
Like
Sucking
Tradition
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Only lie about the future.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
Johnny Carson