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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Sucking
Tradition
Hollywood
Called
Stars
Best
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More quotes by Johnny Carson
Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
