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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Sucking
Tradition
Hollywood
Called
Stars
Best
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More quotes by Johnny Carson
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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