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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Best
Like
Sucking
Tradition
Hollywood
Called
Stars

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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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