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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Guess
Staple
Comedy
Pies
Since
Staples
Gone
Baked
Back
Resort
Ever
Resorts
Firsts
Pie
First
Frankly

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
Johnny Carson
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
Johnny Carson