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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Gone
Baked
Back
Resort
Ever
Resorts
Firsts
Pie
First
Frankly
Guess
Staple
Comedy
Pies
Since
Staples

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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Only lie about the future.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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