Quote

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Comedy
Pies
Since
Staples
Gone
Baked
Back
Resort
Ever
Resorts
Firsts
Pie
First
Frankly
Guess
Staple

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Only lie about the future.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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