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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Since
Staples
Gone
Baked
Back
Resort
Ever
Resorts
Firsts
Pie
First
Frankly
Guess
Staple
Comedy
Pies

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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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