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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Entertainment
Spread
Hour
Four
Annuals
Hours
Annual
Show
Sparkling
Shows
Academy
Two
Awards
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Johnny Carson
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson