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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Hour
Four
Annuals
Hours
Annual
Show
Sparkling
Shows
Academy
Two
Awards
Entertainment
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More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
Johnny Carson
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
Johnny Carson
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
Johnny Carson
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson