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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Pounds
Cranberries
Fifty
Pound
Miles
Mile
Dinner
Turkeys
Nuclear
Turkey
Fun
Thanksgiving
Three
Island
Two
Islands
Cranberry
More quotes by Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
