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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Dinner
Turkeys
Nuclear
Turkey
Fun
Thanksgiving
Three
Island
Two
Islands
Cranberry
Pounds
Cranberries
Fifty
Pound
Miles
Mile
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
Johnny Carson
Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
Johnny Carson
I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
Johnny Carson
