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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Funny
Today
Boomerang
Grenade
Inventor
Australia
Died
News
More quotes by Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
