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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Worst
Keep
World
People
Sending
Birthday
Christmas
Entire
Gift

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson