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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
World
People
Sending
Birthday
Christmas
Entire
Gift
Worst
Keep
More quotes by Johnny Carson
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Only lie about the future.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Johnny Carson
