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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Entire
Gift
Worst
Keep
World
People
Sending
Birthday
Christmas

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Only lie about the future.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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