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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
People
Sending
Birthday
Christmas
Entire
Gift
Worst
Keep
World

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson