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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Birthday
Christmas
Entire
Gift
Worst
Keep
World
People
Sending
More quotes by Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
Johnny Carson
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
Johnny Carson
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
Johnny Carson
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
Johnny Carson
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
Johnny Carson
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
