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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Christmas
Entire
Gift
Worst
Keep
World
People
Sending
Birthday
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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