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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Worry
Freedom
Funny
Money
Giving
Thing
Worrying
Gives

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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