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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Gives
Worry
Freedom
Funny
Money
Giving
Thing
Worrying

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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