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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Marriage
Funny
Bigs
Life
Leftover
Spam
Spice
Spices
Variety
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
Johnny Carson
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
Johnny Carson
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Johnny Carson
