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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Spice
Spices
Variety
Marriage
Funny
Bigs
Life
Leftover
Spam

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
Johnny Carson
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
Johnny Carson
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
Johnny Carson
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
Johnny Carson