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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Continue
Grow
Hair
Comedy
Taper
Days
Fingernails
Grows
Calls
Funny
Phone
Death
Phones

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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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