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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Grow
Hair
Comedy
Taper
Days
Fingernails
Grows
Calls
Funny
Phone
Death
Phones
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More quotes by Johnny Carson

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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
Johnny Carson