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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Days
Fingernails
Grows
Calls
Funny
Phone
Death
Phones
Continue
Grow
Hair
Comedy
Taper

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Only lie about the future.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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