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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Together
Anytime
Without
Bank
Arguing
Humorous
Comedy
Four
Yorkers
Taken
Cab
Place
Robbery
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Only lie about the future.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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