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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Four
Yorkers
Taken
Cab
Place
Robbery
Together
Anytime
Without
Bank
Arguing
Humorous
Comedy
More quotes by Johnny Carson
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
Johnny Carson
