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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Mean
Vices
Grow
Democracy
Grows
Anyone
President
Means
Doesn
Vice
More quotes by Johnny Carson
As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
