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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Anyone
President
Means
Doesn
Vice
Mean
Vices
Grow
Democracy
Grows

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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Only lie about the future.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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