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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Word
Bigs
Use
Littles
Little
Profanity
Never
Cursing
Filthy
Comedy
More quotes by Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
Johnny Carson
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Johnny Carson
There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me.
Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson
The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
Johnny Carson
How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?
Johnny Carson
The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval.
Johnny Carson
You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
Johnny Carson
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
Johnny Carson
