Quote

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Johnny Carson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Bigs
Use
Littles
Little
Profanity
Never
Cursing
Filthy
Comedy
Word

More quotes by Johnny Carson

Image
May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
Johnny Carson
Image
I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
Johnny Carson
Image
I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
Image
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
Image
I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
Johnny Carson
Image
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
Image
Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
Johnny Carson
Image
Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
Image
I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations.
Johnny Carson
Image
When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
Johnny Carson
Image
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
Johnny Carson
Image
According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
Johnny Carson
Image
There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
Johnny Carson
Image
Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
Johnny Carson
Image
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Johnny Carson
Image
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
Johnny Carson
Image
I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
Johnny Carson
Image
A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
Image
The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
Image
In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
Johnny Carson