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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Funny
Impersonators
Would
Elvis
Life
Fairness
Clever
Fairs
Fair
Dead
Alive

More quotes by Johnny Carson

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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
Johnny Carson
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
Johnny Carson
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Never marry a girl named 'Marie' who used to be known as 'Murray'.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
Johnny Carson
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According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.
Johnny Carson
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
Johnny Carson
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
Johnny Carson
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
Johnny Carson
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
Johnny Carson
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
Johnny Carson
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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
Johnny Carson
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
Johnny Carson
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The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.
Johnny Carson
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
Johnny Carson
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
Johnny Carson
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Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.
Johnny Carson
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
Johnny Carson
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Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.
Johnny Carson