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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Stills
Weren
Still
Humorous
Dinner
Radio
Dinners
Eating
Inventor
Television
Inventing
Food
Frozen
Funny
Witty
More quotes by Johnny Carson
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
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Entertainment is like any other major industry it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made if you can't, you're out.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.
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Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.
Johnny Carson
