Quote

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Stills
Weren
Still
Humorous
Dinner
Radio
Dinners
Eating
Inventor
Television
Inventing
Food
Frozen
Funny
Witty

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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
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Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
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Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
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Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am.
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