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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Still
Humorous
Dinner
Radio
Dinners
Eating
Inventor
Television
Inventing
Food
Frozen
Funny
Witty
Stills
Weren

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For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
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I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals.
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I'm an entertainer I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
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I am one of the lucky people in the world I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
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I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
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I get sick of that old rationalization, We're staying together because of the children. Kids couldn't be more miserable living with parents who can't stand each other. They're far better off if there's an honest, clean divorce.
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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
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They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
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