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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Dinner
Radio
Dinners
Eating
Inventor
Television
Inventing
Food
Frozen
Funny
Witty
Stills
Weren
Still
Humorous
More quotes by Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
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I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.
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The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
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Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
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You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.
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Only lie about the future.
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I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
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If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
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Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
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I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.
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I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
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Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
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As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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