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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

Johnny Carson

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Johnny Carson
Age: 79 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 23
Died: 2005
Died: January 23
Actor
Host
Journalist
Magician
Military Officer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
Corning
Iowa
John William Carson
Carson
The Great Carsoni
Funny
Witty
Stills
Weren
Still
Humorous
Dinner
Radio
Dinners
Eating
Inventor
Television
Inventing
Food
Frozen

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I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give.
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The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds.
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Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.
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Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
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Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.
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People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'
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I loved the towns I grew up in as a boy, and after I became a celebrity, I went back several times. I would have had the time of my life seeing the old places and the old faces again, but the attitude of those same people was, I guess you're so big we bore you now.
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Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
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When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.
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It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
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An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?
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Pittsburgh is kind of like Newark without the cultural advantages.
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Only lie about the future.
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I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you.
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Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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The Hollywood tradition I like best is called sucking up to the stars.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
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