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No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.
John Waters
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John Waters
Age: 78
Born: 1946
Born: April 22
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John Samuel Waters
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the Pope of Trash
Pope of Trash
the Duke of Dirty
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More quotes by John Waters
Sometimes I wish I was a woman, just so I could have an abortion.
John Waters
An underground hit didn't make any money and it cost a dollar to get in.
John Waters
I've signed dicks, asses, parole cards, a colostomy bag while it was still pumping. A couple of years ago, I signed a bloody Tampax. That's one you don't forget. I'm not asking for someone to top that!
John Waters
There are little things that get on my nerves, like people who have reading material in their powder room. When you go in someone’s house, and next to the toilet they have a huge basket of magazines, I find that repellent. I recommend against straining while reading.
John Waters
People that pick up hitchhikers I believe are basically good people that believe in other people and understand problems and don't judge people. That's always the kind of person I'm looking for.
John Waters
Stupid is never that entertaining. You can be stupid and sexy, stupid and funny but he's just plain stupid. That is not remarkable, that's what I mean.
John Waters
I've always tried to keep reinventing myself and to keep appealing to young people and when I go to colleges now and do my spoken-word show it's astounding to me how I get older and the audience gets younger. To me, that's the best compliment. That's better than money, that's better than anything.
John Waters
People always ask me what I'm doing on the subway, but I love it! Sometimes I like to ride in the front car and look out the window at the rats.
John Waters
I'd rather have a daughter in a whorehouse than a son in the police force,' Esther used to rage to anyone who would listen.
John Waters
The anger I have about high school - which I do have because they discouraged every interest I ever had actually I call it anti-education - that anger led to my career.
John Waters
Ever feel like killing somebody just to see if you could get away with it? Sure, you have. Everybody has little things that get on their nerves.
John Waters
How come there's no terrorism with humor, which is a great way to humiliate your enemy? It's a great time for that.
John Waters
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I don't have to do anything except bring wine and go to my sister's all day and go to the movies with the family. So, actually, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but there's not much comedy material on Thanksgiving. Melatonin really isn't that funny.
John Waters
If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do try to be shocking and dirty.
John Waters
I built my [early] career on negative reviews. There was a cultural war going on, the '60s was going on. All the film critics were square. They hated my movies. You could never have that happen today. Critics are way too hip.
John Waters
I actually think that my films are intellectual. I think almost everything I do is intellectual, but I would never say that, because that's a compliment. That's up to others to say about me. The same way, I would never say I do art. I think art is up to history. It's up to other people to utter that word. So I try to be humble.
John Waters
It`s great to be able to drive around and spy on people, which I do when I'm writing. People tell me the most personal things about their lives for no reason - on airplanes, everywhere I go. People just blurt out secrets. I'm not sure why. I think that they see in my films that nothing will make me uptight. I'm not going to judge them.
John Waters
I would describe myself as a writer that hopes to take you into my world and help you feel a little safer.
John Waters
I loved Cookie [Mueller]. She was a much better writer than actress. She shouldn't have stuck with me in the beginning she should have immediately become a writer. She would have had more of a chance.
John Waters
I learned that people like my work because I praise things that others don't like.
John Waters
