If I work hard and am rewarded, then I haven't really gained anything. It has been a trade: I've put in, and I've gotten back. Only if I am rewarded without having done anything have I actually come out ahead. The best way to gain the most is to do nothing.

Today, life will offer me many lessons. I will learn nothing.

Today, it may seem as if there are demons attacking me from within. I should remember that demons are illusory, and that when I think that I'm being attacked by unseen forces, it probably just means that I am going insane.

Today, I will try to remember to regret the past. I will think of how many mistakes I have made throughout my life. I will say to myself, If only I could go back in time and make different choices, so that my life could be the way it should have been. Then I will remind myself that I cannot.

I am not well suited to the tasks that are set before me today. Most of what I must do is either insulting to my intelligence, or far beyond my capabilities. This explains why I am so frustrated and full of rage most of the time.

The fact that many people overindulge, and lose themselves in excess, and make fools of themselves and act like idiots, is no reason for me to do these things. The reason for me to do these things is that I, too, am an idiot.

The task that lies before me is daunting and the rewards are uncertain. I should probably let someone else do it.

When I'm feeling proud of myself, I should remember to ask myself why I think I am of any value at all. I have done nothing that a hundred thousand other people couldn't do, and most of them would probably do it better, and they probably wouldn't feel so self-important about it. I should always be ashamed of myself.

My father was a really great man. I'll never forget the last thing he ever said to me. Nor will I ever repeat it.

It's not just that I'm stupid it's that I'm just smart enough to know how stupid I am. I wish I weren't so stupid. Or that I were stupider.

When my mind is operating at its peak, it should depress me to think that this is the best I can do, because it's not very good at all. When my mind is operating normally, I should be even more depressed.

I want to be different. Just like all the other different people I want to be like. I want to be just like all the different people and assert my individuality along with others who are different like me.

I've done bad things with relish, and good things with pickles.

I have tried very hard to find meaning in what I do, but I have found instead a vast and limitless nothingness. I tried to embrace the nothingness, but it slipped through my grasp, and now there is nothing where the nothingness was. This may sound meaningful, but it isn't.

I'm a vegetarian now, but I'm willing to make an exception in the event I'm presented with people. Because I've always been fairly standoffish I have this tendency not to get to know people very well. And I don't think there is any better way to get to know humanity than to ingest it.