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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Enough
Way
Imbibing
Oxygen
Water
Facts
Care
Live

More quotes by John Oliver

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Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
John Oliver
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
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Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
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Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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I think being an outsider in general always helps you in comedy. I think it helps to have an outsider's eye. And so I have an outsider's voice. You know, as soon as I start talking, I don't belong here. And I think that helps in a way.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
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It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
John Oliver
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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
John Oliver
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
John Oliver
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
John Oliver