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When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.
John Oliver
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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Problem
Mouths
Mean
Problems
Make
Heard
Flatulence
Men
Funny
Rear
Means
Louder
Moments
Hitler
Ends
Mouth
Doe
Speaking
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Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.
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Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
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When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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