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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Make
Authority
Listening
Please
Leave
Clear
Authorities
Cannot
Interview
May
Interviews
Enough
Immigration

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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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