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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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More quotes by John Oliver

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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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I would hate to meet myself at 15.
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I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.
John Oliver
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends - they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.
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I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
John Oliver
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If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion.
John Oliver
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Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
John Oliver
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
John Oliver
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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
John Oliver
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
John Oliver
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
John Oliver