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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Listening
Please
Leave
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Authorities
Cannot
Interview
May
Interviews
Enough
Immigration
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More quotes by John Oliver

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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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