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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
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Listening
Please
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Immigration

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Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
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One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
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Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
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I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.
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I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
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I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.
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There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
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