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I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Forget
Think
Thinking
People
Fling
Summer
Soon

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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
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The poverty line is like the age of consent: if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
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There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled.
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The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
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You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
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Democracy is like a tambourine, not everyone can be trusted with it.
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Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
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Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
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