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Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.

John Oliver

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John Oliver
Age: 47
Born: 1977
Born: April 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
John William Oliver
Mean
Way
Like
Florida
Shaped
Combination
Gun
Doesn

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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
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If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight.
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Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.
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Everybody should care about facts. That is something all of us should agree on.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American.
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I feel non-stop Brit shame!
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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